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Your complaint is something we take with nothing less than utmost concern and we're exercising due diligence to make sure something like this never, ever happens again.

We've extracted your email address and phone number and a representative will be getting in touch with you momentarily to schedule a home visit to discuss the issue and spitball some ideas on how to improve the situation.

Our think tank is dedicated to nearly obscene levels of customer service and continual and interminable follow up emails and phone calls at all hours of the day or night in order to hone Secret Forts to a razor's sharpness.

Your case number is : UHCPO2W7W.

Please print and retain this for your records.

Thank you and you can expect the first of many, many follow ups to your complaint.

Sincerely,
THE SECRET FORTS BUREAU of PUBLIC AFFAIRS